Breaking News: Long Beach to Replace Entire Police Force with Mall Cops

In an effort to save a few bucks, The City of Long Beach has announced a complete overhaul of the police department by replacing all current officers with mall cops. “A recent report says our police force isn’t fully optimized,” A city spokesperson explains “So let’s just change the whole damn thing because.. why the hell not?” mallcopslb

This task will be given to Alliance Patrol, a  Brookhaven-based company who specializes in mall security. “Our mall cops are cheap, disposable, work less hours and know nothing about lifetime benefits,” newly appointed Mall Cop Chief Martin Brody tells us. “Long Beach will have the strongest, smartest, safest and most resilient protection Monday to Saturdays from 10am to 9:30pm and on Sundays from 11am to 7pm.”

mallcoplbAlthough Long Beach as no malls, the same security principles will still apply. “A Code of Conduct is set forth to protect Long Beach’s tourists and beach goers…. Oh yeah residents and businesses as well. You can’t forget about them,” City spokesperson explains.

“Whether at the shoregasboard food court, the local department store or with those waiting to sit on santa’s lap,  things will be orderly,” Chief Brody adds. “Juvenile groups of four or more will be dispersed. Beach goers must keep moving in a well behaved fashion through the premises and not block beach entrances. Any  obstructing or interfering with the free flow of pedestrian traffic on the boardwalk will now be prohibited. And no chewing gum.” Other safety features will include a city-wide intercom system to help track down the parents of lost children.

On the lack of nighttime patrol, Brody says they’re working with the city to close off all public areas during the after hours with either heavy canvas fabric or metal security doors. This will allow for the soon-to-be-announced night time cleanup crew to tidy things up. “Nighttime is of no concern for me,” Brody explains. “One time at night I found a teddy bear in green corduroy overalls hiding in a giant bed. Claimed he was looking for a missing button, but I squashed that situation right away because that’s what us Mall Cops do.”  

mallcopThis new plan has been met with very little resistance, according to city officials, who expects the current LBPD to be totally ok with the inevitable layoffs. A fleet of our finest Segway riders are already patrolling the the boardwalk and crime-stricken ocean,  but expect to see Long Beach Mall Cops in full force by this beach season.

Confusing signs on new parking median [Sign Month Continues]

Sign month continues as the emails keep pouring in. This post was written by a reader who questions the new parking median btw Neptune and Roosevelt and also questions the length of time it takes to repave blacktop. 

The parking signs at Roosevelt and Park aren’t clear. This is what you see as you approach:

Instead of two signs on two poles with seemingly conflicting arrows, how about one pole with one sign that looks like this:
If necessary, put the words “One Way” under that, all on one pole.
Otherwise, you’ve got a Which Way Do We Go? situation.
In that same parking plaza, the No Right Turn signs look like factory rejects, the arrow is supposed to be centered in the circle and not touching any part of it, like this:
Instead, the ones put up look like this:
And why is the sign so low (or why did they use a sign post that is too tall)?
I think these were probably put in by Nassau County DPW, but don’t worry, here’s one courtesy of LB DPW:
That “street cleaning” has been going on for several weeks, maybe even a few months at this point — I’ve lost track to be honest.
Seriously, I get that we’ve had bad weather, but how long does it take to repave a short stretch of road that is well beyond it’s expected lifespan? What’s the cost to the city when broken down on a square foot basis to repave a road that has fallen apart and is that comparable to other municipalities? Has anyone run the numbers and found that it’s cheaper to wait until a road segment is completely unrepairable and then repave it (while constantly filling potholes over the years) as opposed to earlier repaving?

Play Pac-Man on the virtual streets of Long Beach [Google Maps]

You can play Pac-Man on the virtual streets of Long Beach via Google Maps right now. It’s not going to last too long, so head over and play before it’s too late. No quarters required! [LINK]Screen Shot 2015-03-31 at 6.20.54 PM

This isn’t the first time Google gave us a pre-April fools map surprise. Back on March 31st, 2012 you were able to view an 8-Bit version of our City by the Sea: GOOGLE QUEST: VIEW 8-BIT LONG BEACH [TECHNOLOGY]


[In case you missed it] Read this article on Flood Insurance changes which take effect April 1st

NFIP_LogoThe National Flood Insurance Program (NFIP) is about to undergo some major changes as a result of a piece of legislation called the Homeowner Flood Insurance Affordability Act (HFIAA) of 2014 (HFIAA). These changes take effect on April 1, 2015 and will impact most of us in Long Beach.

Read the rest of this article that was written by Kevin Reilly here: GONNA BE COSTLY ON THE COAST: MAJOR FLOOD INSURANCE CHANGES TO TAKE EFFECT ON APRIL 1ST

Nathan’s in Oceanside is now open in new location [Roadside Rest photos!]



Nathan’s Famous opened its second restaurant on Long Beach Road in Oceanside in 1959, proudly serving Nathan’s fans for generations. Today, Nathan’s in Oceanside has moved a short distance away to 2807 Long Beach Road. The newly opened Nathan’s features a state-of-the-art interior complete with comfortable seating areas, TVs and of course a full menu of their world famous beef hot dogs, crinkle cut French fries and other famous favorites such as burgers, cheesesteaks, chicken and even Arthur Treacher’s fish and chips. Stop by today! [LINK]

My childhood memories belong to Nunley’s which was in Baldwin, but does anybody remember when the Oceanside Nathan’s looked like this? 11053328_10153181594414561_6609892391459081801_n

Below are more images from a reader named Doug, who adds: Before it was Nathan’s of Oceanside it was the Roadside Rest.  The Roadside Rest was opened in 1921 by Leon Shor and Murray Hadfield, It became Nathan’s in 1959.  Here are a couple of photos from the Roadside Rest days. 


Roadside Rest

The City is joining in on Sign Week/Month! [Traffic Safety Slogan and Sign Contest]

The City of Long Beach has officially joined Sign Week Month! They will be running a contest to design the best Traffic Safety Slogan/Sign! I’m not sure if my previous posts on the topic inspired them

Now is your chance to beautify (Yes, Beautify) the city! Oh and please submit your sign ideas to this blog! I would love to share them! Read about the contest below:

11081435_827289920684097_4159114467207934942_nCity of Long Beach Traffic Safety Slogan and Sign Contest

Here’s your chance to get involved…

The City Council’s “Long Beach Listens” program has conducted surveys and focus groups on numerous projects, providing the community with opportunities to get involved and have their voice heard. As you probably know by now, the City Council recently voted to lower the City speed limit to 25 miles per hour as part of the new “LB Safety Initiative.” In an effort to inform the community of this new speed limit and safety initiative, the City is launching a contest to determine its new traffic “slogan” and “signs” that will be displayed at all five City entrances.

The City is actively seeking submissions from residents to help with this new initiative. Please submit your ideas for a new City of Long Beach traffic slogan and/or sign to

We know you have great ideas to make the City safer and we want to hear them – so be creative! Finalists will be selected by the City, and residents will have the opportunity to vote on which slogan and sign they like best on the City’s website in the coming weeks.

For full information on the City of Long Beach Traffic Safety Initiative, please visit our website at or our Facebook page at

Sign month, formally known as sign week, continues to continue again and again

(I swear I don’t make these posts up) Everyone of my readers seem pissed about all the signs in town. Sign pollution? Yeah, we can all it that, but now I can’t get that Tesla song out of my head: Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs. Fuckin’ up the scenery, breakin’ my mind. Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign [Watch]

 This is from a reader named West Ended:

“I have another one for you. The signs at Georgia Park. The park is done. Take them down.


A reader asks: WHERE ARE MY TREES?

2015-03-28 11.11.05Q: Where are my trees?
A: They are coming! At a recent very special city council meeting on March 24th, our city:

“authorized to enter into a contract with Louis Barbato Landscaping, Inc., Holbrook, New York for the furnishing and planting of approximately 2700 trees and all associated incidental work, in accordance with plans and specifications on file in the Office of the Commissioner of Public Works, at a cost of $1,390,385 [LINK]

Planting should begin in April and be done in June. Here is the entire plan so search your block to see what you’re getting: Tree Replanting Master Plan (subject to minor changes like no more Black Japanese Pines)

PSA: ‘sign week’ is now called ‘sign month’ [Reader Question]

2015-03-28 10.59.48Sign week on SBTC continues to keep continuing! A reader asks:

“Is sign week over? What is up with the signs on the corner of Monroe and Park?  I realize the elected ones place signs next to public works projects announcing the project and prominently displaying their names, but now they are not even placing them by the actual location of the project but on Park Ave. for all of us to see?

Yeah, why do those on E. Park Avenue have to know about the reconstruction of 200 Block East Chester Street? Oh wait, it’s election year. Move along…..

Gentle Brew highlighted in NY Times article

B4wh5szCcAAWESOCheck out this article in the NY Times which highlights Gentle Brew Coffee, how their coffee beans are freshly roasted on location.

NY Times: Coffeehouses Where the Brew Is as Crucial as the Bean

“We decided to put the roaster in the front to showcase what we do because people don’t realize we roast all of our own coffee on site,” said Mr. [Bryan] Baquet, who started the business as a part-time roaster in Hicksville in 2010 and moved to Long Beach two years ago, expanding offerings to include espresso and cappuccino drinks, alternative brews, in-house baked goods and weekend waffle breakfasts. [LINK]

I drink Gentle Brew coffee everyday. In fact, I am drinking it as I post this!

Gentle Brew Coffee
151 E Park Ave, Long Beach, New York
(516) 605-2370

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