OPINION: The boardwalk is like an old car (and why I want to screw the boardwalk).

We already mentioned this LB Patch article last week regarding ‘fixing the boardwalk (read @ LB PATCH – Letter to Editor: Coalition Fixing Democrats’ Infrastructure Mess). The author of that article was rightfully expressing his opinion, so here I am expressing one of my own. There are tons of comments and I personally haven’t had the time to skim through them. I’m not sure if the analogy you’re about to read was already used (sorry in advance if it was). This is how I interprete that opinion article: (Please note: Before a Sally starts harassing me, the Sally in this story is a fictional character).

Sally has this really old car that constantly needs fixing. The older the car gets, the more money Sally puts in to fix it. Sally spent a lot more money fixing this aging car than the previous owner, so she is better than them.  

Does that make any sense? Am I missing something here? Read the article yourself and please correct me if I’m wrong. I mean, there comes a point when the car can’t be fixed anymore. Sally has to stop spending money on it and get a new one!

Back in June of 2009 the City of Long Beach approved a Capital Improvement plan and mentions rebuilding the boardwalk. (LB Herald June 2009 – City approves capital improvement plan). As I have constantly stated since 2008, this blog is not a news organization (hence, all of our opinions), so I could be missing some pieces to this puzzle. It appears to me that there hasn’t been any movement with replacing the boardwalk since that June 2009 article. Please let me know if I am missing any followups and I will correct this part of this post.

I never built a boardwalk, but I am guessing it takes a lot of coordinating between many people: The Army Corps of Engineers, Coastal engineers, probably the DEC, The City of Long Beach, maybe Nassau County or New York State and a whole lot of other people that I don’t even know about. Oh yeah, and it probably costs a lot of money with the possibility of a storm wall, new foundation and a new type of board (wood or synthetic). But enough with these quick fixes and let’s come up with a plan and make sure it gets built the right way.

If you elect me under the Transparency Party ticket, I wouldn’t do any more quick repairs. This is how I would fix it:

MESSAGE TO THE BOARDWALK: SCREW YOU!!! No more nails and 2X4s, I would use screws and a harder wood. Screws stay in better and won’t come out with all the vibration. No cars over 3000lb would be allowed on the boardwalk and the LBPD will be issued Gem cars for patrolling.

Below are images of the boardwalk over in Fire Island – harder wood and screws. Yep, somebody screwed the Fire Island boardwalk.






12 Replies to “OPINION: The boardwalk is like an old car (and why I want to screw the boardwalk).”

  1. Good analogy but not a great one… the lifespan of a car is a lot less than the boardwalk and cars are mass produced. I would compare it more to refurbishing a building vs knocking it down and building a new one. Who knows how long or how much it would take to re-build the boardwalk. I would imagine a few years as it has to be done in sections… then everyone would complain they have to walk/bike/run around the block being worked on (as they did for the shooting of Royal Pains!).

    I agree that better and/or synthetic decking should be used and I think it has been on the newer ramps. Our boardwalk is not really that bad… has anyone seen the boardwalk in the Rockaways lately.

  2. The crew that the city has nailing in the boards are the Long Beach version of F-Troop. Theofan is Cpl. Randolph Agarn, except a hateful version of that knucklehead.

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