Billy Crystal premiere of Parental Guidance [Guest Review]

Guidance for Developing Fema’s Ice Cream Cake Land
By Joey Naham

Parental-GuidanceI’m proclaiming this is the first time I’ve ever been welcomed to a movie premiere, let alone the first time (much like yourselves) written a movie review.. I’m uncertain if I’ll achieve this, but I intend to write the most incredible review, much like every reader intends to rebuild an even more Incredible Long Beach.

Coney Island was a magical place where dreams came true. Our Native Generalissimo of Joy, Billy Crystal, treated his hometown to a magical night which will enrich peace in our dreams in these coming seasons.  I know this is a review, and I should be writing about this movie, but in the spirit of parenting, I want to fill you in on a secret. I mention Coney Island, because, Jack Crystal, Bill Crystal’s father was an influence on the life of Doc Pomus who was instrumental with Jack in discovering Billy’s Parental Guidance co-star Bette Midler.  Aside from developing a culture of art venues for Coney Island, Jack indisputable  raised a very wonderful son, Billy.  Billy, who’s now a grandparent, clearly is passionate in reconnecting with extremely talented and hi-profile friends as a grandparent, but also his community, which he hasn’t lived in since 1979.

What I marvelled at Parental Guidance was more than just the on screen magic, and chemistry of these top rate actors, Bette (Diane Decker,Grandmother) and Billy (Artie Decker, Grandfather).  Hold on..Movie? Rewind, there was a lot more happening here than a movie.  The people of Long Beach, known for its athleticism, if we’re not playing volleyball, it’s lacrosse, if it’s not lacrosse, it’s surfing, were invited to a cinematic premiere at UA Theatre 6 in Lynbrook, NY last night.

The entire block of Lynbrook felt it.  This was Long Beach’s Spirit Coming out from post trauma stress, to yield a single Monday evening together, where we were successfully nurturing and loving through smiling from our heads down to the LB sand in our shoes.

FEMA’s so good at coming in and fixing messes, but virtuous laughter is what heals disasters. Many organizations, Fox Studio, the movie theatre, Billy Crystal, and the city manager were responsible last night for bringing laughter and joy to our hearts.  It wasn’t only the popcorn’s buttery smell, or just the satisfaction that I was getting something accomplished yesterday, it was genuine guidance. Before the movie began, the theatre’s preview was of neighbors coming up to you (when they’re supposed to be relaxing, mind you) to see “How you are.”  Followed were the energetic breathes of air before the crazed laughter roared over our bodies, the breathes of air after the roars to keep ourselves together because it hurt so much. This inducement of breathing guided last night to becoming a piece of light hearted history which I will treasure for always.

Behind in the times Grandpa Artie (Billy Crystal), and grandma Diane (Bette Midler) Decker are searching for the glue of what holds their very tech savvy family together. Among the smorgasbord of modern issues confronting these characters the three functional, yet unattached generations of a family face a spiritual cliff.

If I audited the studio and overall production of this film, my conclusion would be to request a sequel, or even a prequel.  I’d like to know how Artie and Diane raised their daughter, from a girl who loved her baseball fanatic-father, to a woman who hides to her father that she works for ESPN.   to a  Alice Decker-Simmons (Marisa Tomei). I’d like to watch How Alice and Phil (Tom Everett Scott) meet, and maintain their tremendously ambitious lives while starting a family of three children Harper (Bailee Madison), Turner (Joshua Rush), and Barker (Kyle Harrison Breitkopf) Simmons.

Andy Fickman (Director) does an exceptional job with harnessing the suspenseful anticipation of a pee-wee league baseball game- to a shining example of how saintly playing kick the can can be when played outside. The supremely funny ride between struggle and love revolves around Five days of estranged family dynamics, baseball, immodest homeless bathroom etiquette, Sabotaging Smart-Home-Appliances, and of course Pan-Asian Cuisine.

(Is it possible Fox Studios has a Time Machine? Because I kid you not, FEMA was in the movie. Just because of that one fact, everyone on the South Shore of Long Island should come enjoy this movie with your neighbors.)

Other than the Matre’ D unrelentingly popping in to make sure us Long Beach Refugees weren’t misbehaving I was relaxed, and later on came off as a hero for wearing a Mr. Mets head/hat. I think it discouraged evil spirits somehow. If There’s any movie that is nurturing for a community to see, and is about love of family, that makes me drop down laugh, and then turn my 30 year old self into a Niagara Falls of Tears without giving me the blues, FOR SURE It’s Parental Guidance.

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