Time Traveler warns us of Long Beach Future

Seabythecity was fortunate enough to catch up with John Titor, a time traveler who was recently in our present-day city hoping for somebody to actually listen to him. During the interview, Titor painted us a grim picture of what Long Beach future will look like and left us with a warning to stop all beautification as soon as possible, or else. 

“In 2016 all hell breaks loose, ” Titor explains. “As soon as the Superblock is completely developed, the Eye of Sauron will appear between the two iStar towers. This event will immediately be followed by appearances of the Grim Reaper, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Darth Maul, Wario and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man; all making their presence known by leaving a path of destruction and marshmallows throughout Long Beach.”


(Artist Rendering of Long Beach in 2016)

Titor explains how our current efforts to beautify and revitalize Long Beach are the cause of its destruction. “The city should have kept the status quo, or at least made an effort to go back the way it was in the 1970s. That Facebook group Project 11561 came along and decided to plant shrubs and flowers everywhere; playgrounds were being rebuilt, Imagine Long Beach took off, grants started coming in and people started to not only really care, but act. Believe it or not, caring breeds evil. People are most vulnerable when they aren’t watching their backs.”

While it’s unclear whether or not it’s too late to stop this possible future from happening, Titor did leave us with this: “The naysayers and NIMBY-folks were right. Don’t beautify Long Beach. Keep your gimmicks, redevelopments, zen gardens, food trucks and beautifications as far away as possible. It just might be your only hope.”

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