“Here’s how resident input always goes…” One of my favorite comments ever posted on this blog

“I moved here for the beach and am surprised people come here for the beach!” -Are you new? 

Ok, below is one of my favorite comments ever posted on this blog. It’s from a person using the name Are you new? and it’s regarding bicycle kiosk placements from the post: Social bicycle kiosks are going up.  I love this comment because it basically sums up all the resident input that goes on in this city on pretty much ever topic that we deal with. It’s just brilliant. Enjoy!

“Here’s how resident input always goes…”

LB Office: So we’re putting in a social bike system, and we wanted to know where you think they should go.

LB Resident 1: I don’t want it anywhere near my house!

LB Resident 2: I want it right near my house!

LB Resident 3: How could you be putting in bikes before we have a million bike lanes! I want a bike highway from my house to all the places I go in the world!

LB Resident: I want LB under 24 hour surveillance of a speed camera and the city speed limit to be 2 miles an hour!

LB Resident 4: Only a local bike company should be used! Yeah! Only local businesses should be allowed to gouge residents!

LB Resident 5: How can you put in bikes before we have a hospital? My arms been broken for 2 years!

LB Resident 6: We have money for bikes but not firemen?! I’m tweeting Billy Crystal!

LB Resident 1: We need more parking!

LB Resident 4: Where do I contest my parking tickets from 2004!?

LB Resident 3: I want it near LB resident 1’s house! And I want another Irish Day before I agree to this!

LB resident 5: I want NO Irish days before I agree to this!

LB Resident 2: We pay all this money in taxes and my kids can’t read – teachers are overpaid! Also, we need a hospital, a fire team for every house, and a Trader Joe’s! Also, less trolley’s, more bikes, more buses and a hotline for the LIRR schedule!

LB Resident 1: I moved here for the beach and am surprised people come here for the beach! No bikes!

LB Resident 6: This is all a ploy to get rid of cars! This is all Obama’s fault!

LB Resident 2: We have to get rid of cars?! They’re going to turn the bikes into Section 8 housing!

LB Resident 3: They should be free for residents and $1 trillion dollars for tourists!

LB Resident: I want a free helmet!




LB Office: Well, thank you for your input. We’ll just put them wherever…

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16 thoughts on ““Here’s how resident input always goes…” One of my favorite comments ever posted on this blog”

  1. Pretty funny but they forgot the one that annoys me the most:

    “I’m still rebuilding my home from Irene/Sandy, how dare someone else spend money on X, Y, Z before my personal situation improves!”

  2. LB Resident 11561: What color are the bikes going to be? 🙂

    LB Resident 2: I heard they were going to put a kiosk in front of Derek Jeter’s and he had them move it…

  3. Love the humor! Well done!

    PS: Anthony -you are a complete saint! There are a lot of nasty comments here and sometimes just negative overall; yet — you still spend your valuable time (when it could be spent doing something else) to keep us informed or raise valuable topics for us to think about. Thank YOU for all you do!

  4. This one is really funny!
    LB Resident 5: “How can you put in bikes before we have a hospital? My arms been broken for 2 years!”

  5. The author forgot the one thing all the life long residents of Long Beach can agree on. If you were not born in Long Beach you can’t love it as much as we your so shut up and pay your taxes. We would like you to leave but we need your tax money, since we have run the city into financial ruin thanks to our infighting.

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