Tag Archives: April Fools

A new proposal for a full service Long Beach Medical Center: It’s booze or nothing

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APRIL FOOLS! After saying a full service medical center in Long Beach would lose $10 million a year, SNMC is back with a new proposal in response to strong resident criticism. Calling it a last ditch effort, SNMC’s new plan would include a full service 24 hour bar/emergency room which would serve hard liquor, wine and local craft beers.

“It would be a steady and much needed revenue stream. A liquor license application has been submitted, so now it’s a waiting game. There is literally nothing else we can do to make a full service hospital work in Long Beach,” a hospital spokesperson tells SBTC, “It’s booze or nothing.”

SNMC hopes to have the booze hospital open by 2018. You will need to be 21 and older to be admitted.

PatientWithFoodTraybooze

Single-Structure House proposed for the Foundation Block

singlehouserenderingAPRIL FOOLS! Jonas Grumby, the new owner for the foundation block is seeking to convert the densely zoned property into a single-structure house. Grumby believes his humble plan won’t face any opposition, “I could put two giant towers there, but residents are up in arms with density and parking issues in this city. My plan appropriately fits the needs of the community.”

Paying full taxes on this single-structure house is Grumby’s intention. “I’m not seeking IDA abatements, so I expect the Long Beach community to rally behind this plan. Let’s move it forward. Let’s do it. Let’s re-zone it for a single structure house so I can pay my fair share.”

When asked about the structure spanning the entire foundation block or the unconventional connecting rooflines, Grumby had this to say, “There is no workaround, no loophole. This proposal is for one structure, one house. I’m not sure what the big fuss is over. They are courtyards. I love courtyards. Is it one big roof? Yes, it is. End of discussion.”

The Zoning Board of Appeals will vote on the zoning change later this month.