The top new feature in LB this summer? YOU CAN NOW LEGALLY* TAKE A CRAP BY THE SEA!!

Asterix in the title because we all know where most of you beachgoers go when nature calls: According to a 2012 poll that was conducted on this blog: 79% of you don’t even use the beach/boardwalk bathrooms when you have to gobathroom poll

It’s so funny how new bathrooms on the boardwalk takes the top spot on ABC NEWS: 7 NEW THINGS YOU CAN EXPECT ON LONG BEACH. Come on, right? You have to agree with me on this. It’s a cute list and it’s great to see Long Beach get some publicity, but this is a blog where I like to poke fun at stuff. NEW BATHROOMS is the best we can do? REALLY? It’s freakin’ hilarious! “Let’s all check out Long Beach, I heard those 1.6 gallon per flush toilets can handle any load size!”

Ok, let’s check out the whole list:

  1. New bathrooms on the boardwalk (Replacements, but…. the new flush is amazing and will definitely draw more people here.
  2. Bocce Ball with tournaments near the mini golf (Bocce is NEW! WOOHOO!)
  3. Movie Theater is set to reopen in the coming days. It hasn’t been open since Superstorm Sandy. (I’m so excited about the theater, but ‘reopening’ doesn’t really mean new. It’s reopening.)
  4. An additional trolley on weekends (Not really a new thing, but an added feature.)
  5. People can watch four concerts in Long Beach per week instead of three (Not really a new thing, but an added feature.)
  6. A new bike share program (Maybe these are kinda new.. but we had bike sharing before. Old is new again?)
  7. Additional food carts (Now that’s stretching it….)

Aren’t NEW LISTS stuff which we never had before? I mean they might as well add #8: Trees.


31 Replies to “The top new feature in LB this summer? YOU CAN NOW LEGALLY* TAKE A CRAP BY THE SEA!!”

  1. Without public facilities how is Long Beach supposes to attract more tourism which we need to help build our local economy? People were coming up to me while I was on the Boardwalk last year asking where they could find a restroom. Obviously not locals who could run up to their apartments!

  2. Ok I agree with you, but to use new bathrooms as a promotion in a news segment on a major news network seems silly.

    I do think it’s great to see LB get publicity, but we have so many wonderful things about Long Beach. A NEW LIST seems silly. Just do a list on stuff people can do here: Trapeze, surfing, mini golf, volley ball, bike sharing, The beach, the boardwalk, the parks, promote local stores and restaurants. Last time I check, telling people we have bathrooms isn’t a very attractive draw.

  3. LB has way too much promotions. Why does the city waste money on public relations firms to bring people here. We are overcrowded as it is and business are all doing fine. I hate when I see long beach on the news! We used to to be a secret and this crappy administration keeps putting us out there. Enough is enough.

  4. No drugs.

    I can’t wait for the Republicans to take back the city so we won’t have all of this excessive public relations media attention. I want to go back to the way things were before city hall was getting us on tv all the time and ruining our city with all these people.

  5. Come to LB and take a dump in our new bathrooms, you won’t believe how it flushes!

    Folks are to serious, #1 on new things in LB the toilet

  6. That’s the best Gordy could come up with, the reporter on that story didn’t stumble upon the new bathrooms. She was brought there by our high paid PR Dept !

  7. Come to Long Beach – we have indoor plumbing? What is this 1902 and indoor plumbing was just invented?
    Come to Long Beach – we will eventually have a movie theater back in business.. What is this the only movie-theater on the east coast?
    Come to Long Beach – You can ride a Fake trolley that is just a bus with some gimmickry attached to it?
    If anything is special about Long Beach it is not even on this list!!
    This is what happens when the City manager is not a local and did not move here on his own and was just sent to rule over us…. What happened to the black rimmed “look at me I am intelligent” glasses?
    Is anyone going to think of coming to Long Beach for a day because of ANY of these 7 items on the list?
    Is anyone going to move here because of these 7 items on the list?

  8. Not to worry. Gordie will be fired along with smarty pants ivy league Jack and the PR will stop soon enough. Yolinsky and the black girl will win the Democratic primary and then the Republicans will win in November and we can finally get back to the quiet and special Long Beach without the ridiculous New York Times articles about how wonderful it is here. I too am sick of the pr. I can’t park anywhere as it is!!! Business don’t need this publicity the locals support them plenty.

  9. Amen Harvard Jack Ass has ruined this city. Saving money by during firemen is the only good thing he’s done. Everything else is shit.

  10. This is a major problem in Long Beach. The politicians want to attract as many outsiders as possible to generate revenue for themselves and businessess, however the residents get penalized because they have tondeal with the mayhem.

  11. Ok let’s get serious for a second. Look at the picture in the story if the guy who brought his beach chair and is sunning on the boardwalk. Is that legit??? It disrupts the flow of traffic and evades paying the beach access fee. Not to mention it looks trashy. So can someone please tell me if that’s allowed?

  12. Eddie J – what are you watching/reading that makes LB seem like a media hot spot to you? It wasn’t even in time out new York’s “best places to go outside of the city” list – but freeport, stony brook, cold spring harbor and smithtown were – what a joke.

  13. @samsung – Mayhem: 1 a :willful and permanent deprivation of a bodily member resulting in the impairment of a person’s fighting ability

    b :willful and permanent crippling, mutilation, or disfigurement of any part of the body

    2 :needless or willful damage or violence

    Websters dictionary

    Where do you people come up with this stuff?

  14. @ Pay, That’s a good point. That can’t be legit. People sitting in their own chairs on the boardwalk. Take a closer look at the video. There’s a lot more happening. The anchor says it “Jones Beach”. There are numerous people walking in the bike lane (Oh, that’s right, we don’t have a bike lane). The outdoor showers are right up against the fake stucco (That should make for some some nice rust stains and mold growth). There are tables on the sidewalk outside restaurants (is that legal?). The bocce courts having garbage/wrappers waving in the breeze and they still look like something from a county fair in Appalachia. 3D movies are $15.50 (yikes!) and the girl in the light blue bikini top is way too hot for Mr Adidas. The reported stated $3.3 million in beach pass sales last year. Consider that lifeguards are budgeted at $1.3 million. Beach maintenance at $1.9 million. Beach Park at $550K. Add ’em all together and we only have a 1/2 million dollar loss. Ah, but I forgot to add a percentage of our $5.6 million dollar sanitation and street maintenance and of course a bit of $17 million dollar police and fire department that is needed specifically for beach related instances. All in I suppose we’ve figured out have to have our only real “asset”, cost the taxpayers a cool million to a mill and a half. Anyway, I’m glad all these day-trippers have a nice to place to crap.

  15. Don’t worry I think they are planning to apply to FEMA for reimbursement, just like everything else these days…. Unfortunately I think FEMA caught on and is not going to cover the trees, and might not cover a lot of other items in the end… I was joking about applying to FEMA to cover the annual loss, but you never know these days…

  16. Does the Trolley draw people to the city to come to the beach?
    Does the trolley draw people to live here?
    Does the trolley make money for the taxpayers of Long Beach or Cost the taxpayers money?
    Is the trolley just one more social welfare program for someone that needs a job, but doesn’t really serve any purpose beyond keeping someone on the public payroll?

  17. @unsustainable – I love how some residents like to pretend they’d rather walk home to use a restroom than have them on the boardwalk. Cmon – stop.

    The bike line is the center. There are signs all over the place. Stop walking in it.

  18. @ltc – the trolley is a cool idea, but there’s no way a non resident would know where to find it or how to use it.

    I’ve honestly never seen it with people on it, so I’m guessing the average resident doesn’t know how to use it either , or they don’t believe it would show up if they tried.

    I think instead of seats on the trolley they should have put spin bikes. Get rid of SoBi. Roll down the windows, and get the real feel of being a beach town without worrying about bike lanes or potholes.

    Partner up with one of the nail salons – 15 minutes on a trolley, you get your exercise and your eye brows waxed.

    Or hell, put a TV in there and show a movie! People would forget about Cinema 4’s delayed reopening.

    People would love it!

    Well, until July when it mysteriously disappears – then in October it’s back with a ribbon cutting for the new $1 billion dollar bathroom added to it. Don’t worry – they’ve put advertisements for the iStar buildings on the toilets, so at about 25 cents a flush it will eventually pay for itself.

    Put a light on top of it – and voila! It’s now an ambulance.

    Put a hose on it – you got yourself a fire truck! Let the passengers use it to put out a fire – you’ve just increased your FD ranks! Turn it into a boardwalk carnival game – put out a fire – get a stuffed bear.

    Next, the city could invest in some of those trucks that you load a ton of cars on to. Floating parking garage.

  19. People don’t read those signs. Bike lane needs bike stencils painted on it. Anyway, the bike lane is very nice but should not be used for Lance Armstrong wannabes during weekend hours that will run over visitors and residents if they happen to walk in front of them.

    I certainly hope they don’t outlaw sitting on the boardwalk! Some people do not want or need a beach pass, does not mean they shouldn’t be allowed to walk or sit on our boardwalk. On the benches that you can no longer put your feet up on the railing on. Another crappy design idea.

    This city is in sad shape. Walk down Park Ave and it is not appealing. Businesses are closed all over, not doing fine at all. They put in a new parking mall across from Pier One but it’s impossible to access it from the east. Who was the rocket scientist who designed that? The Gentle Brew has great coffee, but can’t support staying open past 6 PM.

    I am starting to notice other towns when I drive through them. I see hanging planters and clean streets and sidewalks. As long as this place looks like the third rate town it has become it will never attract people to do anything but take advantage of our one asset, the beach.

  20. Well Mr Boodman you and Ms Maher will be getting your wish for publicity. It will surely be bad as a result of a shooting in the West End but as you and Ms Maher say it’s better than no publicity ! Idiots !!!

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